woking, guildford and online

Therapy for BPD and EUPD in Woking, Guildford and online

Borderline Personality Disorder/Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder are, let’s face it, horrible titles.

Not only are they horrible titles but I think also inaccurate. I do not see people as having their personalities disordered, I see people who have had attachment wounds and trauma which make it difficult to self sooth emotions, therefore feeling them more intensely, and making the need for relationships stronger whilst also creating a fear of being wounded again. This need for relationship and the fear of relationships (or heightened fear of them breaking down) is a core conflict in trauma symptomology. I have not, at the time of writing, met someone diagnosed with EUPD/BPD who does not have a trauma and attachment wounds in their history in some form or another.

Considering we are social beings, we need attachment relationships to build our sense of self, help us learn to regulate our own emotions, and connect with other people. It is therefore normal for people who have had trauma or attachment wounds to have responses which psychiatrists group together as symptoms of BPD/EUPD. If you have this diagnosis or the related “symptoms” but undiagnosed, then I truly believe you are normal person, having a normal, human response to unmet needs.

Frequently asked questions

Do I need a BPD diagnosis to work with you?

No. Some people come with a diagnosis, some with a suspicion, and some with neither. The diagnosis is not what I work with. What I work with is what is actually happening for you: the intensity, the fear of abandonment, the way relationships keep going the same way.

Is BPD a personality problem or a trauma response?

In my experience it is far closer to a trauma and attachment response than anything wrong with a personality. The patterns that get labelled as BPD usually made complete sense in the environment they formed in. That reframe matters, because it changes what the work is trying to do. It is also why this work overlaps so often with dissociation and with therapy for complex PTSD.

Do you offer DBT?

I have completed DBT Essentials training and use elements of it, particularly around distress tolerance and emotional regulation. I do not run a full DBT programme, which involves a structured group and a team. If full DBT is what you need, I will say so and help you look for it.

How long does therapy for BPD or EUPD take?

This is open-ended work rather than a short course. Patterns that formed over years do not usually shift in a few weeks. Many people notice things settling within the first few months, particularly around managing intensity, with the deeper relational work taking longer.

Can we work online?

Yes, and many people do. Consistency matters a great deal in this work, so online can actually help, because it removes travel as a reason sessions get missed. Some people prefer the room. Either is fine.

What if I struggle between sessions?

We will talk about this early and put something in place, whether that is grounding strategies, a written plan, or agreeing what to do in a crisis. I am not an emergency service, and I will be clear about my limits, but you should not be left without a plan.

Therapy for BPD/EUPD

Integrative Psychotherapy along with EMDR and AF-EMDR (Attachment Focused- EMDR) or, trauma and attachment focused psychotherapy can be great for healing the wounds and building up strength and resilience and a sense of self. Parts work may also be beneficial to work with parts of self that are in conflict. I do not often use elements of DBT skills anymore as I see DBT skills as only looking at management of symptoms and not the underlying cause. I may use some DBT skills as symptoms management may be needed, however, I feel the majority of therapy should be focused on underlying healing to remove the need of symptom management.

It is hard to fully describe what therapy will look like, as no one person is the same, therefore therapy will be different person to person. However, the work with usually entail oscillating between focusing on past, present and future/expected situations, regulation techniques, trauma processing, skills and confidence building, and relational psychotherapy.

Due to the nature of psychotherapy, trauma and attachment, therapy is unlikely to be short-term. You are, of course, in charge of how long you have therapy for, however, there are no quick fixes. I do work on an open-ended basis where you are in charge of the length of therapy and can even decide to pause and return at different stages of progress. Some people opt for 90 minute sessions or a couple of sessions a week, however, this is not a requirement. A large part of therapy is about pacing. Sometimes my job is to help speed thing up slightly, sometimes it is to slow things down. The idea of therapy can be a highly scary and daunting process, especially when there is a lot of pain to work through. Rest assured, when in therapy with me, rushing to fast is not part of the process and going at your own pace is always advised.